I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
