Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
