I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
