omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she peed on how many people?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
