i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
