There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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