I wanna bring you to show and tell
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
