What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
