Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
