Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
