I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the day after is always just damage control
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
