What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
