dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
