I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
