Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
