I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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