Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
