Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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