Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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