sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I met the friendliest cop last night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize