I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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