glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
