that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
