Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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