So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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