dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
