Soap is not a condiment
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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