She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just invented taco cereal.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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