I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
