walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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