I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
