got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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