we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
