i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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