I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
