On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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