We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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