hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
