Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
