It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
