i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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