Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
