Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
