remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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