there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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