Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
