Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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