We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
