I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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