dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
