just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
