worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I came so hard my ears popped.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
