So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
