your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
