he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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