I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
