Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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