There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
