Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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