guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
