I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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