Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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