I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
