There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
