The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
